From The Inside Out...

For the past two days I've been extremely sick. It all started on Sunday evening with my throat itching, and well, since I'm a singer, I'm used to these type of symptoms. Unfortunately, as the night progressed the itchy throat turned into a fever accompanied by my head hurting and feeling so heavy I felt that I would fall forward if I sat down. As the morning arrived, my body started to ache, my stomach felt like disposing everything I ate and well, coughing started taking place which did not help, seeing as I got nauseous and threw up everything I ate. And that's how I've been for the past two days.

About a half hour ago, my fever went away and I've stopped coughing. Let's just hope it stays that way. Being this sick, has gotten me in bed, unable to do anything. Well I knew I couple of things I could do that required little physical work: read the Word of God, continue with therapy and praise God for all He's done these last couple of months. I gotta be real here, yes my parents are pastors and yes I've been brought up in the church since I was a baby. But I'm not religious, I don't believe in the "you can't sing up there if you're wearing pants or have any piercings in your face or wear a skirt shorter than knee length". I know some churches go by that and well, whatev, your prerogative but I know that God accepts me for who I am, long hair, piercings, faded self-mutilation scars and all. He accepts me and loves me whether I'm wearing jeans and a tee, jeans skirt and heels, whatever. Which is why I make sure I maintain a personal relationship with Him, even if I haven't found a church to call home.

God has been amazing these past couple of months. As rough, heartbreaking, heavy, weakening and painful these past couple of months have been, they have also been months of growth, months full of trials that have made me stronger and wiser and helped me mature. Incredible huh? That God uses our toughest times for the better. He's taught me so much and has allowed me the opportunity to see myself from the outside, and I gotta tell you, I was not happy with what I saw. But God knows me from the inside out and He always knows EXACTLY what to do, exactly the right people to put in my life and gives them the right words to say. I'm making changes and I'm excited to see where this journey is going to take me.

I trust God with all my heart and soul. And the minute I declared this God has helped me trust people again, to open up to people again. And although my heart still hurts and part of me is sick of all these unanswered questions floating around in my heard, I'm ok. I really am. I've given it all to Him, and I continue to give it all to Him, because He's everything to me.